Friday, May 17, 2013

Old Man, Old Man
Young men, not knowing what to remember,
Come to this hiding place of the moons and years,
To this Old Man. Old Man, they say, where should we go?
Where did you find what you remember? Was it perched in a tree?
Did it hover deep in the white water? Was it covered over
With dead stalks in the grass? Will we taste it
If our mouths have long lain empty?
Will we feel it between our eyes if we face the wind
All night, and turn the color of earth?
If we lie down in the rain, can we remember sunlight?

He answers, I have become the best and worst I dreamed.
When I move my feet, the ground moves under them.
When I lie down, I fit the earth too well.
Stones long underwater will burst in the fire, but stones
Long in the sun and under the dry night
Will ring when you strike them. Or break in two.
There were always many places to beg for answers:
Now the places themselves have come in close to be told.
I have called even my voice in close to whisper with it:
Every secret is as near as your fingers.
If your heart stutters with pain and hope,
Bend forward over it like a man at a small campfire.
~ David Wagoner ~
(Traveling Light)
I wake each morning and feel around my soul, my heart; like you do when you have a sore tooth.  How does it feel today?  Better?  Worse?  I find a sigh of relief when it is simply the same.  I will take that over worse, I do not yet hope for better.  I practice bending forward over my heart, hoping to hear the answers and the secrets it holds. 
In kindness, people tell me to keep busy so I don't think or feel too much.  I can't do that.  When I do not take time each day to feel my way through this I am usually blindsided by something later on.  There is no way out but through.  I do what needs to be done, I try to say yes to people and activities, and I keep space to feel what needs to be felt each day.  I have a magnet on my refridgerator that says, "when you are going through Hell keep on walking."  A quote by someone like General McArthur and it's been turned into a country song.  I like that.  A universal truth for military generals, country folks, and grievers alike.  Pay attention to the landscape, but keep on walking.

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