I have started back to swimming again and I cried with every lap today.  The last time I swam was right after David's diagnosis and I cried with every lap then too.  Then I stopped...everything.  To be with David.  Sitting at the desk is hard but another hard thing is going back to the old stuff.  Driving into work again, swimming, going to the tailgate market and knowing that David is not at home to say hi to when I am finished.  I don't have anyone to share the stories of the day with.  It's a different kind of lonely when someone is missing from when there was never anyone there to begin with. 

I'm sad and tired and tired of being sad.  I know it gets better, I know it gets better, I know it gets better, a new mantra.  In the meantime I put one foot in front of the other.  I wish I knew where I was heading. That's all I've got right now.  I miss someone here, on my side, enjoying life with me.