Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Moving to Australia solves nothing.  sigh.

It was one of Jesse's and my favorite books, "Alexander and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"  Everything goes wrong and he is going to move to Australia, but of course, there are bad days even in Australia.  And so it goes at the beach as well.

Today was hard, hard, hard.  I finished the stupid novel.  And spent a great deal of the day in tears.  The worst part is that I couldn't even figure out why.  Usually I can identify some emotion or trigger when I fall apart like this.  Today I just couldn't stop crying. 

Where ever you go, there you are.  Even at the beach.  Maybe I shouldn't go on vacation alone.  I miss belonging with someone. 

And you know, I really thought he wouldn't just leave me here.  I thought in my heart of hearts that I would have a dream or a vision or something, where he came and said goodbye or told me he loved me or something.  But he just left.  It feels so abrupt.  I could've used a little more slide.  But then again, maybe not.  That's probably hard too. 

There just isn't any easy. 

And Alexander is right, even in Australia there are terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.  Doesn't mean I have to like it.


  1. I just love you. I want you to put all of these in a book so that I can read it again many years from now, far from the day you inked this in heart's blood, and admire your wisdom and naked honesty. Today, I just want to hug you.

  2. Yes Dianne, these belong in a book, a deeply profound, moving book.
    Sending love and appreciation your way.

  3. This came in today. Thought of you and "The Book" we all see in you....
    "It's the birthday of writer Dorothy Allison, born in Greenville, South Carolina (1949) to an unwed 15-year-old who'd dropped out of seventh grade and worked as a waitress. Allison grew up desperately poor, and was sexually abused by her stepfather. But she was inspired by the confidence her teachers and classmates had in her intelligence. 'Because they did not see poverty and hopelessness as a foregone conclusion for my life,' she wrote, 'I could begin to imagine other futures for myself.'
    She won a National Merit Scholarship and was the first person in her family to attend college. There, in the late '60s, she was introduced to the Feminist movement, which she said 'was like opening your eyes under water. It hurt, but suddenly everything that had been dark and mysterious became visible and open to change.' She wrote a memoir about her childhood and family history, Two or Three Things I Know for Sure (1995), but it is her earlier novel, Bastard Out of Carolina (1992), that she's best known for.
    Allison said, 'People want biography. People want memoir. They want you to tell them that the story you're telling them is true. The thing I'm telling you is true, but it did not always happen to me.'"