And then today I woke up feeling pretty okay. Not exactly cheerful, but not miserable. I did laundry, picked basil and made pesto, put together a Thai Curry, made brownies, and found myself dancing around the kitchen to the Reggae song that came up on the Ipod. Took Lulu for a long walk, cleaned the house.
Why, oh why, can't I just make this happen? Why isn't there something, just one thing, I can do to change the bad times into okay times? It's so frustrating. Just having to put one foot in front of the other and get through.
Maybe it's giving up trying to control it. Maybe it's admitting that I have no control. Maybe it's just the passage of time. I'm starting to sound like an AA meeting. Not so very different really. All of us just trying to find a way to deal with our pain.
Maybe it's that a friend is meeting me to get the materials to build the goat house. Maybe it's that I didn't have to get up early and squeeze everything in before I went to work.
Maybe....but probably more likely the AA comparison.