In My Skin

I was sitting at a stoplight this afternoon when out of no-where a wave of "something is not right" flooded over me.  The oddest part is that it was wholely physical. You know that feeling you get in your gut when something is just WRONG?

 Everything in my being knew something was Not Right.  My gut, my skin, my nerves.  Then after that extraordinary awareness came the words.

"This is not what I was supposed to be doing now, this is not where I was supposed to be, these are not the things I was supposed to be thinking and feeling and dealing with."  Yeah, I've thought all those things so often these last six months....but I had never FELT them like this.  It kind of took my breath away.  And then it was gone.  And I was mostly okay.

 I remember someone telling me that grief is like waves and she liked to think of it that way because it gave her some control over it.  You can sit on a beach and let waves wash over you or you can get up and walk away if you need to.  And those waves always retreat back into the ocean.  Sometimes they come hard and fast and sometimes slow and easy...but they are a process not a wall.

How do I get comfortable in my skin again?