Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Today was hard, too hard.  I just don't feel like I will ever be happy again.  Loading the dishwasher put me on the floor, sobbing for an hour.  Gathering kindling from the shop...sobbing by the pond.  Everywhere I look is something we dreamed together, something we planned, something we shared.  I went to the store thinking to distract myself and all I could do was remember the last time we were there together.  Trying to watch tv and a commercial comes on with: "our house is a very very very fine house, with two cats in the yard, life used to be so hard, now everything is easy 'cause of you...."  I used to sing that to David all the time and now it's not true anymore.  I am scared life will go back to being as hard as it used to be. I need to just cry and feel like this....but, being the one left behind sucks. 

I have been carrying two quotes around in my calendar. 

Anyone can slay a dragon but waking up every morning and loving the world all over again takes a real hero.

Sometimes the only available form of transportation is a leap of faith.

And a Rumi quote:

Very little grows on jagged rock,
Be ground, be crumbled
So wildflowers will come up where you are.
You've been stoney for too many years
Try something different

Ah Rumi.....


  1. You do need to cry ~ and you do need to grieve...healing comes in time, not immediately. And remember that this world was made better for having had David in it ~ just like your life was made better for having David in it. And as for you ~ you have 3 boys coming to the far to distract you for a while and remind you of little boy adventure.

  2. Hi Dianne:

    I will offer you the poem that came to me in my time of need, one that I remember often and feel it is the truth that will come to you in its own time:
    In the midst of winter
    I discovered there was
    within me
    an endless summer.
    ~ Albert Camus